Notes From Illusions

   Part I  

For the past 20 years I kept asking myself this questions :

Where am I ? and who are they ?

And I came up with nothing !!!! I believe I was suppose to do it in this way…..

 WHO AM I ? AND WHAT I WANT ?

 I thought I was different in sort of , but being different doesn’t mean you’re special because I am not . I am weird and a freak in some way .

Nothing seems as it is. And knowing the truth is much better at least you can now expect the worst to come.

Life is not about finding happiness nor love nor family not even in the people around you. All that turn to be fake !!!!

What do we live for ? I sometimes wonder .

Days were passing , life was moving but nothing changes and I still didn’t know where am I ? I got sick of all this … can a human be like this !

What do I see is it true ? where am I ?

There are many unfinished things in my life that need to be settled . I have unfinished poems , a novel that I left unread, a song that I didn’t complete and a dream that was waiting to be accomplished but I guess that is too much to do . I started working on them but never really completed them . Maybe it’s time to take a deep breath.

Death  is near , I feel it conquering me  and not gonna be here any more ; maybe that is what it’s all about !

Something’s Gone

To start with , something beautiful died in me . Something’s gone and I don’t know if it will come back .

 

My life is going so random and everything is so jumped up side down. . My vision is a blurred one though it was clear. My will or other’s will; my dream or other’s dream ; my pain or other’s dream. Then the only answer to the was ; Is it my life or theirs ?

But the problem is that I didn’t even know any answer for that as well .

I only hid myself under the bed and kept crying ; thinking and thinking ; and kept crying and yet nothing changes.

It’s said that the one who don’t find love at home, he’ll never find it else where. And that which is not loved by his own family no one else will.

Life is all about experience about what to do and what to not ! About who to love and who to not !

Sometimes it just don’t snow and the dreams are far away. Sometimes my life aren’t that cool. What if we had the choice of everything in our life ? Maybe then things could have been easier.

I don’t know why am even living . I try to forget but I can’t and I try to forgive but its not enough. I try to hold on but it hurts a lot .