Monthly Archives: September 2010

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A Birthday Wish

 

A year passed today .. and another one is ahead. 

There I went to the only place where I run to when i want to beon my own; the sea . I sat at teh beach facing the darkness of the night  while the moon lighting the world around me. There was no one but me . I wanted to be myself for a minute . I wanted to recall things and think about the next step in my life. The last year wasn’t that big and every incident that I have lived went right infront of me .. When that flash back started, i could see nothing but that pain .. and those people that i lost- or in proper term – they lost me .

Yea ! It’s my birthday today and i almost forgot that i don’t have to cry ; but that was involuntary. When you loook at the world and how it drags us .You would understad what i mean .Since the day i was six and i knew that there was something wrong . I never felt that i belonged in here nor anywhere. As if i was in a story and am the hero ; who will die at the end . Or a movie that has no end .

Nothing seems to be real . And what hurts the most is that you are living it alone. A family that aren’t yours and a friends that don’t exist , a whole life that is not there. Parents that have abandoned you way before you come to life.And loved ones that may enter your life , but they can’t because they fear it . A fear of being lost like i am .

Life , life , life . I keep saying nothign is worth it .And that tomorrow is a better day but tomorrow comes and nothign changes.

I know i am dreaming but why i can’t wake up . Nothing makes any sense. I close my eyes so hard in hope to wake up when i open them, but am still here and it’s still here. Am i even alive , maybe am dead .

I just wanted to know who i am ? I just want to be found .

Yea!   It’s my birthday and i have to make a wish .

I wish i never was there . I wish i don’t exit . I just don’t want to live anymore in pain .  I want to wake up co’z i really fear to face the future.

 

 

 

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Farewell

Two very different people
Too scared to get along
Two hearts thats
too hard to go forward
 
But I care
But I  love
And i adore you
Ready to take all the  risks
Ready to fight all the world 
Just to be with you
Just to be in your arms
Just to see your smile
And just to feel that warmth again
 
It’s never that easy
It’s never that simple
It’s never alright
It all comes to an end
But my love is endless
It’s time to walk away
And never follow that ray
There were visions of you
And now they are all gone
Here i say , ” Farewell My Love “.
 
Regards,
Hoope