What if ….

 

What if none of this happened?

What if we never met?

What if we never loved ?

What if we never kissed ?

What if I was wrong?

What if you were right ?

That we can’t change what happened

That life is harder

What if dreams never came true?

What if you were just illusion?

Yes ! You were just an illusion

What if I move on?

What if this has to be the end ?

Would you say Goodbye to everything ….?

Farewell

 

 

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Love .. The Dream

Everyone would like to meet their soul mate; their love of the life at one moment. However, when that happens , they would hold on it firmly and never let go.

The beautiful spring starts , the endless love, the captivating words that makes you forget the world, the people and the days . Everything around us becomes pointless but that one person … That one love ! Their words makes us alive for the first time . Lifts our soul higher , their hands around us , the warmth , the kiss , the hug; that particular person that made us known after we were invisible.

Love is nothing alike , no one can describe it by words . It’s just feelings . Strong feelings that we carry deep in our hearts . Somehow it makes our hearts pump harder. It’s a silent touch , a look . It’s something that all at once without you even realize . Yes, without you even notice ; that person becomes everything for you and you are in love with them . Whether it’s wrong or right to express it and say it . Whether the consequences are not good . Regardless of all that , at that moment of love we all become greedy and want more of love. Forgetting the pain that it may cause . You may wonder how can love be painful . Well ! it is . It can become so devastating and desperate .

Love is not just words – It’s care , commitment , honesty , sacrifice , friendship but out of all it’s the most beautiful gift you can ever get . When love s so pure it can really overcome all obstacles that’s what movies thought us , but it seems real life is nothing like movies . So , when it’s just impossible for it to last- it’s broken. The hopeless fact is that nothing is ever complete . It’s even harder to carry on especially when you’re sure that this person was the right person .

Life goes on . We wash our face and wipe our tears . But we can’t forget ; we’ll never forget that special touch . We go back to our loneliness as we sit at the beach watching the sunset, watching the end of what wasn’t .

We wake up from the most amazing dream , love . And we have nothing but their words with us … their words.

Always ,

Hoope

2013.. A Sad Year

Empty Chair

Yes, 2013 is finishing . It’s closing up with the biggest pain that it caused me. No words can describe my grieve. The only fact is that the year is over nevertheless the scar is never heal.

2013 started with the illness of the my dad, while March 12th he died. April , May , June , July … and I am still in grieve; am still in pain . I can’t forget it only made me more lonelier .  I remember him in my arms ; I remember closing his eyes like it was yesterday – so how can I forget !

I joined my work , everything was tense .. I had to keep to my fake smile . And started crying for no reason at night . I don’t know am I happy or upset. I don’t know how I feel any more towards many things around me. I even transferred from my area towards another departments … another busy department ! Why ? because I don’t want to have any free time to think .. thinking is so dangerous . Thoughts about life scares me , visions of dad haunts me. Everything is weird . Nothing is normal …

I lie by his grave praying for him . Dreaming about the short period that I was with him. Could it be worse?

And so fast years lapse… in a blink everything could end . Everything around you is prone to change ; to end . Nothing remains.

Consider loving the people around you more. Learn how to live simply . If you don’t like what you do , change it ? If you did a mistake , apologize ! If you love someone , say it ! Don’t leave anything for tomorrow … Because tomorrow never comes .

Hopes misguide us, it makes us think that we will live forever. Have a short term hope , and make your wishes true. Never let go what you love.

May the coming years bring something different . May your lives be always brighten with love and care of dear people. May 2014 be special for you all .

Regards,

Hoope

Review on: Tuesdays with Morrie for Mitch Albom

Tuesdays With Morrie

Mitch Albom

It’s a story about life and for knowing life. As it says in the cover  ” Life’s greatest lesson “ .

The story is about Morrie Schwartz , a professor at Brandeis University . After being diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis ) , a no cure disease and knowing that he is dying ; he started sharing his life with the people and to give them all that he knows and experienced in life. Being in TV show , accidently one of his favorite student who was going through a hard time in his career and life ; saw him . This former student who had felt guilty for not keeping in touch after graduation starts dropping visits to his teacher .  And so they started meeting every Tuesday to talk about certain things . They talked about death , growing old , money , family , forgiveness , culture and marriage . Morrie said that when people die , they don’t really die but they stay alive in our heart because that’s how love goes on . As  “ Death ends a life not a relationship. ”

In a beautiful account he teaches us many lessons of life , things we don’t learn in high school . But from people , people who are older than us , who lived and been through a lot . They stare with us their experience so that we can learn from it and live life as we should before it’s too late.

I highly recommend you to read it;  to everyone who really wants to  have a reason to live. To love life .

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and how to let it come in .”

Pg: 52

Tuesdays with Morrie

Nothing…

 

writing-a-book

 

When we lose something we can never replace. Sometime all that you wished for is to be happy . We live in trying to achieve that. Thinking that the world will help us conspire it; but unfortunately we forgot that it doesn’t really go the way we want. Beautiful ending and fairy tales is not in the real life because simply this is not a story. We love and we lose them , we try hard and we fail , we dream and it becomes nothing but  mere dream.

I remember ones being HOPE …but that Hope is no more alive because life have knocked her many times down. She used to get up always and fight again but when the last time life let her down , it took her very precious secret behind her Hope . It took her heart down ;  ever since Hope never came up again . She got nothing more… Nothing to dream for ; no one to love and no heart .

Have you ever felt that you are so useless in life … of no point and of no aim .  At some point in your way ; you would get such thoughts ? But when you do ; just never listen to them believe in you heart .

Nothing remains but ashes .

And so the story of my life ends here.

Always And Ever,

Hoope

Words For Dad

father_daughter_beach

He’s gone ; to start with whether it’s true or not. Whether I don’t want to believe it or not. He’s gone !! My Father died on 12th March 2013. He was bringing me security , hope and knowing that he is alive & breathing brought me pleasure even if I didn’t see him or even if we were distant apart. It was always like a dream to meet him and know him , hug him ; finally when I did that , finally when my dream came true he dies . He left me after knowing him for one year.

“Father , do hear me now ? Am here beside you and I will always be. “
This I told him as I was holding him . I stayed with him every second until he let my hand until tears came down my face. In a moment he just took a deep breath and all at once his eyes looked up , I wanted to feel his pulse . I was shivering putting my fingers on his neck to feel the carotid pulse but there was nothing, I pressed it hardly and yet there was nothing . I held daddy’s wrist to feel the pulse and there nothing too. I kept crying and starting doing CPR … I shouted for Ampu Bag to oxygenate him … everything went fast. They pulled me back and the doctor came and cleared him death. There were many people in the room . I couldn’t breathe . I ran irrationally outside to the garden …. I kept running , and running , running until I got so far and fell down crying . My big brother came later as everyone was searching for me . And I went back to dad room . I wiped my tears closed his eyes , starting praying for him and sat down lying on him . It was silent now everyone was out of the room ; it was only dad and me just as I always wanted to be him; just him and me !
I couldn’t just let him go ; Probably I wasn’t ready to accept it . Not even now when three weeks passed . As if he was yesterday here with me and now he’s not. I can’t imagine it . I can’t and I won’t !
A friend once told me that people don’t just leave us . They stay alive with us in our heart and in everything around us . He’s never gone ; he’s still here inside me.

Among all my sisters ; they use to say that I looked most like dad and I do . Whenever I look in the mirror I see him right there staring at me . And when every I smile ; he’s there in me .. and everything I do is just like him . The stubborn , hopeful , happy person. But I guess I can’t be happy as I was ; as he was ; not anymore.

Something inside me is gone; something is lost and you can’t replace that . No one can replace it . And the lonely I feel is nothing to describe in words.

When you are still stuck in that moment and you can’t wake up . It’s all over now. Because he’s gone . He took with him every beautiful thing in my life. He was the only dream that came true in my life.

I love you Dad, I will always do so…

Allah Yerhamek ya Abby !!

Hoope

Goodbye 2011

 

Yesterday it was raining . Today it’s sunny. Yesterday was hard time , today it ends. Yesterday they were with us …today they are gone. Yesterday we use to cry and today it’s over. Yesterday was disappointments ; today is another chances. Yesterday was despair;  today is hope. Yesterday was a defeat while today is the overcomes.

What happened this year is somehow is different and special ; it could even be painful to some of us . But most of all is that it’s over and went . Whatever happened will never happen again & whatever we lived we’re not going to live again. But nevertheless, it left inside us something ; whatsoever it is . It left us something unique . An experience , an emotions or even a lesson .

Two Thousand Eleven – is now only a past . What’s ahead is a mysterious could be scary could be good but either ways we have to live it . Two Thousand Twelve – 2012 a year to come . A year to live . A new hope , a new dream , a new wish and a new start. To keep aside whatever caused harm and make a new beginning in a brand new year.

Let’s try to not make it just an add to your age but a life to live . Let’s try to share the happiness and create a smile in the face of those who really matters. Guess what ! since you made it this year;  you’ve got the opportunity to correct things and plant a new tree.

Goodbye 2011 … and thanks for that you gave me. For the pain & suffering that made me stronger, for the laugh and smile that me stand again . For the disappointments that brought overcomes . For the tears that took a lot of me . Thanks for everything  and as every year and no matter how bad things goes; I will keep wishing for a Happy New Year to come. And I will always be waiting for that .

 

Regards,

Hoope