To the Moon and Back

Often we force ourselves into things that are not ours ; into day dreams that were so real. Into what we can call illusions but they could have been the best illusions we shared. Do you want to know why ?

Because those feelings happened to be so right at that particular moment, they lifted our spirits up. And they hit straight to our souls; shattered our emotions . How your heart beats so fast ? How your body becomes so warm ? And how your eyes say all the talk while in silence ?

It took them so long to reach to a state of steadiness were nothing can possibility shake us . Nothing were suppose disturb that inner peace . They finally began to adjust with nature, we found love within ourselves and thus learned how to let go and move on. Everything  they worked on was falling apart suddenly. It was like an earthquake strike and left everything scattered. How their hands are still shivering? And how tears falls from their eyes irrationally ?

There they stand face to face , hand in hand , chest in chest  and lips by lips …and everything clams down. That peace they felt was unlike and that’s the moment their souls moved ; the earthquake subsided.

The way sun rises after a long raining season.

The way the tulips blooms .

The way their eyes meet.

The way time suddenly stops .

The way their voice is so tender.

Can someone be the cause of the earthquake and at the same time calms it away?

After such a long journey of loneliness and adjusting with the circumstances and life; finally trying to understand how things are meant to not happen , while others are meant to just let go. After all this training of self-realizations. They get in each other’s  lives; and leave the most beautiful memories that are going to stay within forever. They play the same rhythm of our souls and they started dancing together  . They knew precisely that this dancing won’t last and that the music will stop however at that particular moment all what mattered was that they were happy.  In fact , all was needed was a moment to lit it up.

A whisper was heard saying , “ Love you to the moon and back .”

Nothing…

 

writing-a-book

 

When we lose something we can never replace. Sometime all that you wished for is to be happy . We live in trying to achieve that. Thinking that the world will help us conspire it; but unfortunately we forgot that it doesn’t really go the way we want. Beautiful ending and fairy tales is not in the real life because simply this is not a story. We love and we lose them , we try hard and we fail , we dream and it becomes nothing but  mere dream.

I remember ones being HOPE …but that Hope is no more alive because life have knocked her many times down. She used to get up always and fight again but when the last time life let her down , it took her very precious secret behind her Hope . It took her heart down ;  ever since Hope never came up again . She got nothing more… Nothing to dream for ; no one to love and no heart .

Have you ever felt that you are so useless in life … of no point and of no aim .  At some point in your way ; you would get such thoughts ? But when you do ; just never listen to them believe in you heart .

Nothing remains but ashes .

And so the story of my life ends here.

Always And Ever,

Hoope

Words For Dad

father_daughter_beach

He’s gone ; to start with whether it’s true or not. Whether I don’t want to believe it or not. He’s gone !! My Father died on 12th March 2013. He was bringing me security , hope and knowing that he is alive & breathing brought me pleasure even if I didn’t see him or even if we were distant apart. It was always like a dream to meet him and know him , hug him ; finally when I did that , finally when my dream came true he dies . He left me after knowing him for one year.

“Father , do hear me now ? Am here beside you and I will always be. “
This I told him as I was holding him . I stayed with him every second until he let my hand until tears came down my face. In a moment he just took a deep breath and all at once his eyes looked up , I wanted to feel his pulse . I was shivering putting my fingers on his neck to feel the carotid pulse but there was nothing, I pressed it hardly and yet there was nothing . I held daddy’s wrist to feel the pulse and there nothing too. I kept crying and starting doing CPR … I shouted for Ampu Bag to oxygenate him … everything went fast. They pulled me back and the doctor came and cleared him death. There were many people in the room . I couldn’t breathe . I ran irrationally outside to the garden …. I kept running , and running , running until I got so far and fell down crying . My big brother came later as everyone was searching for me . And I went back to dad room . I wiped my tears closed his eyes , starting praying for him and sat down lying on him . It was silent now everyone was out of the room ; it was only dad and me just as I always wanted to be him; just him and me !
I couldn’t just let him go ; Probably I wasn’t ready to accept it . Not even now when three weeks passed . As if he was yesterday here with me and now he’s not. I can’t imagine it . I can’t and I won’t !
A friend once told me that people don’t just leave us . They stay alive with us in our heart and in everything around us . He’s never gone ; he’s still here inside me.

Among all my sisters ; they use to say that I looked most like dad and I do . Whenever I look in the mirror I see him right there staring at me . And when every I smile ; he’s there in me .. and everything I do is just like him . The stubborn , hopeful , happy person. But I guess I can’t be happy as I was ; as he was ; not anymore.

Something inside me is gone; something is lost and you can’t replace that . No one can replace it . And the lonely I feel is nothing to describe in words.

When you are still stuck in that moment and you can’t wake up . It’s all over now. Because he’s gone . He took with him every beautiful thing in my life. He was the only dream that came true in my life.

I love you Dad, I will always do so…

Allah Yerhamek ya Abby !!

Hoope

Here We Meet…

This is a short short story about a girl named Hana she was abandoned by her father when she was only 5 years – before joining primary school . She lived and she never knew her father ever. Her mother was everythign around . She grew up studied hard , graduated , joined university , and even worked . Yet never met that unknown father ; that she in fact carried his name but never really carried her.

She had birthdays , her tears , her parties , her joy and her life without him being around . And now when she is turning 25 years ; she will meet him again .  Yea , after 20 years ! what it feels like to that kid is just undescribed !

What if feels when people meet Hana when she was a kid and say , ” Oh ! she just looks like her dad ! ”  A dad she never say but people kept telling her that. And the older she gets the more she sees of her father in herself . People use to look at her and say, ” Your father must be proud of you .” while she smile and moved on becasue her father never even knew her to be proud of her !!

I would call this , one of life mysteries … or simply life !

 

Hoope

 

 

Sad Beyond The Smile

Yes,  Smile can hide all the sadness and tears but smile alone can’t overcome the pain and depression .

That’s a fact which can’t be denied , at times you wonder , “ Is it life that stands against me ? or it’s just me that can’t get up ! “

 

What the days takes from us ; is more than what we can afford . A wound that hardly healed leaves a scar that never goes . We all understand that some days in life couldn’t be the best but how come they turn to leave a painful memory .

You may tell others encouraging words as “ Hope , Try again ! , Never give up!  Love exists ! “ while as days overlaps and these words turn to be nonsense – it means nothing ! I could have been nothing but a mere desperate try to accept how miserable things could be . None of what we believe in could be true in this fake world ; ignorance , disrespect and selfishness where power rules in it !

No dreams will come true in such world and certainly no smile can shine !

Yea ! what life takes from us , is more than we can afford . What really goes around you remains an un solved  mystery !  But I will continue to smile no matter how hurt I could be .

Regards,

Hoope

All By Myself

 

I was lately listening to a song for Celine Dion named by “All by myself ” and it brought to my mind how we might think that we can really stand alone by our own selves. That we can manage everything alone; that we don’t need anyone else; that we can be all by ourselves.

But we are wrong. But you are wrong . But I was wrong. I don’t want to cry alone.. i want someone to hug me and rub my tears away. I don’t want to get sick alone . I don’t want to be sad alone. And so do you !

So why do we keep rejecting people from entering our lives.. why do we keep making distance just because we don’t want to let anyone inside. Why do we don’t like sharing our fears and tears and even happiness with others . Why is it always hard to do so?

I don’t want to be all by myself. And no one does. But it sometimes happens though we are a reason for that but yet we hate it and when it time comes that we are left alone- We hate ourselves and we become so frustrated. It kills us from inside however , you can’t stop it . You can’t change the fact that you are by yourself.

 

Always ,

Hoope

Something Is Missing

The feelings of emptiness . The feeling of something that’s wrong. When you look around and find everything is in it’s place and that everyone is carrying on their daily routine . Nevertheless, there is something wrong. All at once at that particular moment you feel that you got a big slap at your face. You know that there is something missing from your life , that you’re wasting your time when you have to do something else or be somewhere else.

Why there are always borders that stops us  from flying from going away? Why  things just can’t be spontaneous? Why can’t we stop dreaming and start acting ?

 

Regards,

Hoope