Goodbye 2011

 

Yesterday it was raining . Today it’s sunny. Yesterday was hard time , today it ends. Yesterday they were with us …today they are gone. Yesterday we use to cry and today it’s over. Yesterday was disappointments ; today is another chances. Yesterday was despair;  today is hope. Yesterday was a defeat while today is the overcomes.

What happened this year is somehow is different and special ; it could even be painful to some of us . But most of all is that it’s over and went . Whatever happened will never happen again & whatever we lived we’re not going to live again. But nevertheless, it left inside us something ; whatsoever it is . It left us something unique . An experience , an emotions or even a lesson .

Two Thousand Eleven – is now only a past . What’s ahead is a mysterious could be scary could be good but either ways we have to live it . Two Thousand Twelve – 2012 a year to come . A year to live . A new hope , a new dream , a new wish and a new start. To keep aside whatever caused harm and make a new beginning in a brand new year.

Let’s try to not make it just an add to your age but a life to live . Let’s try to share the happiness and create a smile in the face of those who really matters. Guess what ! since you made it this year;  you’ve got the opportunity to correct things and plant a new tree.

Goodbye 2011 … and thanks for that you gave me. For the pain & suffering that made me stronger, for the laugh and smile that me stand again . For the disappointments that brought overcomes . For the tears that took a lot of me . Thanks for everything  and as every year and no matter how bad things goes; I will keep wishing for a Happy New Year to come. And I will always be waiting for that .

 

Regards,

Hoope

Someone died …

Someone died the other day at work…. She was wonderful patient , a wonderful old lady, that was so polite and so strong and with such an inspiring faith. She had diabetes, Congestive heart disease, hypertension , kidney failure on dialysis and she was 75 yrs old. She was so tired and so sick but whenever you see her she kept smiling and everyday she lives as if she is gonna live forever. She lived with her heart and kept moving with her soul .

 

She was admitted as she started having severe Ischemic leg disease.. where both legs might be amputated, she went to different hospitals and they all had one opinion which is- there is no hope of surgery so let her live the rest of her life peacefully, there was no need to shorthen it … her heart can’t stand the anesthesia . But unfortunately somehow , and i don’t know from where , but she heard of a smart doctor ( as she described him ) in our hospital , a vascular surgeon who can do a bypass surgery and save her legs. He explained to them nicely about all the procedure and how he is going to do it. He looked so bright to them and he had all the facilities and assured them. The only problem is that he is one of the doctors whose patients end up dead after surgery. How ! no one knows he’s just not lucky and he’s known for the high number of  failed surgeries he has done. And the relative never knew this fact.  And I am not allowed to tell this to a patient , nor am not allowed to tell this about a colleague. I might be sued and lose my job.  But i told her daughters indirectly and so is another doctor ; she just never got it.

And he did the surgery , she went to the ICU but she woke up  .. and after one day he told them that he will do another surgery to fix it . But she never woke up after that.

I understand that in my job i would see many people going out of it … but what kills me is that , i take part of the responsibility in her death. It kills to be in a world where you can’t say the truth , where you kill people instead of saving them. I feel so guilty and what hurts the most is that i couldn’t do anything . Maybe her time came to leave this world; but maybe i could have made her go smiling instead of going through all that in such age.

I just wonder what would have been if that surgery wasn’t done . She came walking and now she’s gone. Rest in peace !

Farewell

Two very different people
Too scared to get along
Two hearts thats
too hard to go forward
 
But I care
But I  love
And i adore you
Ready to take all the  risks
Ready to fight all the world 
Just to be with you
Just to be in your arms
Just to see your smile
And just to feel that warmth again
 
It’s never that easy
It’s never that simple
It’s never alright
It all comes to an end
But my love is endless
It’s time to walk away
And never follow that ray
There were visions of you
And now they are all gone
Here i say , ” Farewell My Love “.
 
Regards,
Hoope

Fake …..

Yes ! It’s all fake , our life is all fake , our family  our friends , and even  our smile … everything was fake . Everything was unreal.. nothing was true.

I would like to tell you the story of my best friend, and how her life was just not true. I thought she had a happy family , i thought that she had a loving brothers and sisters , i thought that she had a good education , and her ever lasting smile … that made everything around happy. It was all fake . She said it  to me , she said it so honestly that her family are not a loving one , that her brothers and sisters are not caring but only ruling and mean. That she never joined the college she wanted. That he parents are divorced , that there are always problems and yelling at home   . And that she was only smiling when she was crying from inside. All her life was lie  and she lied to everyone. She was sick and dying now,  the saddness that she felt anshed yet she was so unwanted and lost. I was not there for her and now is dying. When she looked at her life and that flashback started she saw nothing but tears , pain and  most of all loneliness. She was always so alone regardless of the number of people around her . No one ever understood her and no one ever held her when she was crying. No one stayed with her when she most needed one.

 When i looked at her life  now that i know all the truth .. it all seemed like one of the tragedies novel of Shakespears. It was killing me that i have nothing to do to save her and that she never lived any happiness in her life.  All she wanted is to live in peace and love.  She dreamt and never tried to wake up . Because only  in dreams we can see happiness. For life is so harsh and so painful. She had hope that kept her alive but that hope wasn’t even enough . The say hope give  us a way but i say it gives us nothing but words.  Hope never dies but we die eventually and it’s all over .

All she wanted was a loving parents and happy childhood ; instead it so bitter. She tired to forget her childhood and get a good education ; make a new start for better future . But it ended up badly and it never went right. She forget about all that & thought of finding the one true love , the man of her life.  She told me that she loved him truly and that he would change all her life to the best and with him she will try to build the family she never had and the happiness she never saw. Instead; he never exchanged that love with her.. and they were from two different worlds . He was rich handsome and was her teacher, whereas she  had nothing but  love to give and obviously nowadays this is not enough. I felt so sad for my friend , because i was never able to do anything for her.. I was never able to make things become happier or even better. Now that she is lying in the hospital and she’s telling me all about her life and how  miserable it was . It eats from inside. That sometimes even special people are just so unlucky.  No one was with her. But me the nurse, and i took care of her . She had no visitors . And absolutely no one . She told me since her childhood she was used to cry at night , crap her pillow so tightly and cry and cry . The only question she kept asking was ” Oh God ! why don’t you help me ” And she said never got any reply until today . She keeps crying at her bed , no one knows and no one knew.  She told me a funny thing which is notreally funny but it shows how sarcastic life might be . She said that in a moment she thought that she was a gifted kid and that she was so special but  as life went it proved her that she was only a cursed kid .

Yes ! Her life was all fake ! And yet she pretended to smile . Everything just goes in the wrong way . . Life gave her pain and by ending it – she was ending her pain. 

Fake ! Fake Fake ! We should wake up but what happens if we does . Whats next !!!!

 

Regards,

Hoope

I’m Sorry

 
Your care , your eyes
Your warmth , your smile
It was all about love
It was alaways love
 
I’m sorry for the pain
That i caused
I’m sorry for the heart
That i broke
I’m sorry for all
That i’ve done to you
 
I was so dumb
Not to see it
Though i felt it so deep
Maybe i knew it
But i tried to deny it
For the fact that we are
Two different people
From two different divisions
 
A love that can’t be
But in dream and hope
I lived
 
Take my heart
Take the whole of me if you wish
Am yours and i’ll  always be
 
I’m yours to love me
I’m your to leave me
I’m yours to tear me
But i’ll always be yours
 
 
I’m sorry for the pain
That i caused
I’m sorry for the heart
That i broke
I’m sorry for all
That i’ve done to you.
Regards ,
Hoope

Goodbye

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It happens so fast. It’s hard , it’s true and yet it Happens.

There are times in our life that things happens for no reason .  Well! Maybe there is a reason but we can’t see it . What matters is that we are hurt and it happened.

People die , people kill, others go without goodbye . This is how the circle of life goes. I can’t get it sometimes , why things have to be so cruel? Why life has to be so insensible!

I find no answers to many questions that are raised in my mind as they are gone.

The only fact is that they are gone and am left alone. And am all alone.

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I wished if it could be much easier. I wished if I can cry hard but I can’t . I miss them , I miss them being in my life again. I miss having then around every day in my life. But its too late . And its not easy to deal with it . Its not easy for me to go through all this .

Would the sun ever rise ? Can I really go on in my life as if nothing happened ? As if I didn’t lose someone in my life. As if am alright !

We never chose this, we never thought of it being that hard, but somehow we knew that a day will come for departure. Goodbye is inevitable so is death . We will face it . The question is ; how strong and understanding you will be when it comes.

NOT  FAIR is not the right word to use but  DESTINY  is .

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We grow up to know and understand how things really go. But when time comes we find ourselves kids again. Its hard but it happens.

Goodbye to you my trusted one. ! You gave me love and helped me find myself…

With love ,

Hoope

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