Staring out into the night . feeling so lonely . So still and quiet. The stars are hardly visible. What a moonless night it was !
And as I was looking tears fell from my eyes involuntary . I don’t know why but to some point I wouldn’t hide it any longer. I can’t take any of this. I am not strong I never was. All I did was pretend to be so & lie to myself . Life is not as beautiful as they told me . It’s not an easy game , regardless that I followed all the instructions . Yet! I couldn’t make through. I don’t belong here. I never did. All I was doing is to adjust and fit in. But myself I never changed. I can’t be what this world asks me to. My purity exceeds. And I chose to stop fighting . My life became nothing but an endless dream.
Its always said that happiness lies for those who struggle , who suffer. I disagree ; Because there is no happiness waiting them at all. Nothing but more misery and disappointments
The more I smile and try to find a way out . I fall down , I get up and climb the ladder again. When am too close ; a step away …….almost reached the door . A lighted door, my life , my dreams , my future and my happiness ; all were behind that door.
Unexpectedly , People pulled me down and thrown me away . Away from the last step. Somehow , I was back to where I started from.
I didn’t cry then. All I knew is that I have to try again , never give up . People surprise us more that you can imagine and life always crushes you. I tried , tried and tired.
Now , staring our in that endless night I don’t know if it’s still me . But I cried heavily that it took my breath away . I Surrender.
It took my soul, it took HOPE out of me. Don’t want to lose anymore , in fact I lost everything ; got nothing more to fight for. I Surrender.