Today , a young patient of mine died. Thus I found some answers that kepts me thinking for days. I was trying to find what happiness really means ? And whether I was satisfied with my life or not. There was something missing, there was always something that kept me unhappy. But I never knew that what ??
But today early this morning when the shift started . There was a patient gasping . Just a seconds before that ; I was asking another nurse how she was yesterday for I was on leave. As Iwent to assist the nurses and doctors in the CPR ,I saw her face and couldn’t beleive that it was her… she was stable and doing well when I left here day before yesterday. Her sister just came at that moment when we called her. It wa so hard for her . I then replaced the nurse who was doing the chest compression . I was doing the compressions and Iwasn’t crying , I was just trying to pray in my heart. And I could scream saying, ” Come back Jane , Don’t go .” Doctors did their best and we intubated her. But she was so pale and without any pulse nor breath. She was dead. Yet , we kept trying as her sister didn’t believe.. Jane died and the doctors confirmed the time of death.
It was so hard for me , maybe becasue it was the first death case I ever see during my work. Or maybe co’z I was close to her. I can still remember her words and talk . My eyes were full of tears but i didn’t cry in front of the relatives . I left the room for I couldn’t take it any more . I went to the nurses tea room and let some tears out but soon I got up and said , ” It’s gonna be alright , I’ll see many patients dying . I have to get use to it .”
I needed to talk to someone but I didn’t ,I just calmed myself down and went back to assist the nurses in cleaning the body. I had to be strong.
Yea ! we have to get use to the departure . We have to enjoy what we have then we can die peacefully. She didn’t struggle much . It all happened at once and her heart stopped . She left us.
I guess its not how we die . It’s how we lived our lives and whether or not we were prepared to go. Everything is in God’s hand and everything is written .
Now i know where happiness comes from ? It comes from the people , the people around us . And when they are gone , it’s gone . Let’s realize what we have and let’s enjoy every minute with them for we don’t know when time comes.
We get busy in life, work , studies business and we forget to love those who are around us . We forget to care for them and we forget to say , ” I love you .” From all your heart , who knows when would you say it next.
Life runs fast and before you reach where you wanted , someone dies.
I know what i want . I wanna love and beloved. I wanna be happy and have a life that i enjoy . I want to see my family happy . And so do you !