Happy Birthday Me !

After 24 yrs , now I celebrate my birthday and i don’t really feel that it means alot. I didn’t even know how many years i turned today ( i had to calculate it ), seriously i thought i was older!  You may consider it rediculous or even that am joking ; but you know it’s true when another year goes by and you sit so lonely looking up at the sun as it sets ; as it takes a day from your life and you’re like ” What the hell changed !”

Yea, It doesn’t matter! What does it even means to have a happy Birthday! What does difference it makes!  … When dear people are far away. And even the dreams i wished didn’t come true .  Waking up and hoping to see your father after 19 years; didn’t even happen ! And the feeling of being wierd among those who are around.  And waking up knowing that many people in your land are dying . Waking and knowing that everything around is falling apart! Waking up and knowing that no one and nothing in life is worth living for ! Waking up and knowing that hatred is stronger than love , that wars are more than Peace and that Freedom cost more than people earns.

A very Happy Birthday Me  when each year i lose more ; when my hope began to fade each and every month. When my smiles despairs everytime.  And when the leaves  eventually fall. Maybe i go to work everday , maybe i go shopping with my sisters, go to movies with my friends ; maybe it seems i am happy with my fake smile. Maybe my illness is taking all of me ….But deep inside I never sleep , and i never smile like i really mean it . The truth is that maybe i am just pretending to live and i never wanna really live !

I use to love it when we use to celebrate my birthday with my friends , and eat my brithday cake .. my friends around , the gifts and ballons ; but most of all the sweet wishes . I was a kid then … and i just wish if i can live that again.  Happy Birthday Me for I found myself once again waiting for the sun to set and for for stars to shine and for a new bright day to come – if it ever existed!  

However, and because it just became a habbit to wish others a Happy Birthday without really meaning it … I would just say ” Happy Birthday Hoope and Hope this year is different than the last.  “

 Always

Hoope

Facing the days…

 

 It was the weekend, and I was on morning duty. Unlike the rest of the days we only had 15 patients in the ward. Medical ward with 15 patients , that was like WOW !  and there was enough staff covering ; that each nurse  took only one or two patients. While I looked at the mirror as it was raining with that lovely cold wind breeze; the flashback started when I was back in high school . I remember that whenever teachers or friends asked me what would like to be in the future…? My answer was always one. I want to be among sick people . I want to help others. And here I am !

I can still remember when my mother wanted me to be an English teacher , I never had a second thought towards that for my answer was always “ NO “ . And I joined nursing , and I never regretted it . Not even in the worst times.

Every day passes with a great new experience to learn whether it’s in the professional side or the practical life ; because I learn something every moment. And am sure every nurse do .  You won’t imagine what we can learn from caring for the geriatric patients. How every unsaid expression counts ? How every smile makes difference? And How every touch heals a soul ? Not only that but what they give us is much more.

We have a different life outside our working hours , but once we are at work .. once we enter the hospital everything else ends  and we become totally devoted for our patients. We smile and laugh for our patients and we cry and pray for our patients … We Live for them !  Because to them; we are all they count on.

It changes our lives , we change the patient’s life. And we touch their hearts. That it heals all their wounds.  During my time in the hospital , I have realized that it’s the non- medical effect that heals the people. 

So , we keep facing the world.. and we as nurses we put  our lives on the line for sake of others; that is how we are and that is what we’ll  always be .  The world around us is just an opportunity for every nurse whether you are just starting , or been in the field for years or even a nursing student. There will be always much more to discover and find out .

 

Although there are times that we feel  like giving up , but I think that those are the moments that proves our strength most. We give hope and faith to others ; so we can’t lose them ourselves.  Cherish your days not only for what you are but for what you want in the future.

  Regards,

Hoope