Happy 30th Birthday

 

This is for the person I am .. to myself now and to the future me ; although my birthday is not until 2 days yet wanted to post this now.

Here it goes number 30. When I was a kid I was scared of being old…being in 30’s; but I guess it’s not so scary anymore .

There was a time that I was 9 years old and all I wanted to have was super powers or the ability to fly just like in movies; now all I want is to just be content with the few little things that I got. Health , family and someone that I love lying next to me every morning as I wake up. Growing up is a trick so don’t think it’s so glamorous because it’s not. There will be a lot of disappointments, breakups, tears, broken hearts, moments that you high others that you are so down . But most of all there will be lessons – a whole bunch of lessons every time you fail you gain and learn something. The wise person you became, you stop judging people – you’re more likely busy living your own life the way you want .

Everyone went through those moment were they kept crying and said that they couldn’t take it anymore ; well ! believe it or not that’s the moment they got up even stronger and gave life another shot. There were moments that you felt so happy ; that you wanted the clock to just stop . Unfortunately, time didn’t stop nevertheless you were able to freeze those moments in your mind and see them every time you wished. At times life could be so shit however it kept going . Nothing stopped the dice from rolling , it simply went on going whether you liked it or not . Back when I was in school I thought I had all the time; that days were so long . Now I think time is running so fast that I can’t catch a breath.

They say that people are not numbers so age is nothing . It’s your spirit that says it all. So you can be 30 still sexy and beautiful and you can be 20 with a grandma’s heart and appearance . So don’t judge people by how old they are rather by how amazing their soul are !

 “ According to The Telegraph in the UK, women are at their ‘most attractive’ at 30, while men peak at age 34, according to a survey of 2000 people.”

Salute to every women above 30 …your days have just started and to all the men above 34 – you guys rock !

Hope this can make you feel better ; as for me it sure does . Because deep inside I am still shinning ; ambitious ; and am still that beautiful amazing young woman . Whether I am 30 or 60 I intend to keep that spirit . The secret for recipe is having someone to love and beloved. Trust me you won’t age or at least you will grow old together that’s the beauty of it.

New year .. New resolutions .. New dreams .. New wishes

The best is yet to come .

Happy birthday Me.

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Dedication

Dedicated to every soul that touched my heart and made me smile …

To the father that passed away yet his memories still make me smile

To the friends that I  played with at the school playground; my childhood friends .

To the loved ones ; to the broken hearts ; to the forgotten promises ; to those tears that shed our eyes .

To the people that were and will be a reason for the person I am now.

To those who stood beside me and believed in me .

To the world that regardless of how harsh it might have been yet the glimpse of hopes never faded.

Hereby ; I dedicate  my love ; my words ; my thoughts for I owe nothing precious than them.

The more days pass the more you know that what you value is not a materialistic  thing rather of air and the wisdom that follows in it. Who you are ! how you enrich yourself ? That’s what matters . Look deeper inside ; meditate ; reach to your soul … take a time to be with yourself to reflect back on what have you done and what could have been better.

 

RIVER FLOWS IN YOU – YIRUMA

 

HAPPY

 

Happiness is YOU

 

happy-the-movie

There are some people in the world without emotions , without care , love . They live their lives in a concept of  “what benefits you have for me” and so equally he will help you. Even families and friends; actually there is no such bond . If we are cousins and I don’t have anything to give you then there is basically no need for you to visit me at hospital when am are sick . I have seen people like that & worst,  I have seen a whole community like that. Barbarian ! They only live searching for the food today. No love , no childhood and eventually no happiness. We’re lucky however, that such world is limited.

Few months back I was sick ,very sick . And the care I saw in the people around me , the love I saw in their eyes ; made me consider what happiness really is ?

Happiness lies in the family and friends and the bond of love between them . That can never break .  You find them supporting , holding hands , hugging and most of all telling you that ” Everything will be alright “.

It’s a blessing to have people you can call ” These are my family and friends”  . Whether  you lost someone in your life or no. To have one member who represents the world to you is enough . Life goes on. Enjoy the moment  and search for what makes you happy . If you look around ; you will find happiness in the face of playing child, in the shining sun, in the flowers and in the old man’s smile who says “Hello” . It’s like the old game that we use to play as kids ; the game when we use to search for happy things around. Play it now as an adult  and search for what makes you happy. Deep inside you know it’s there.

Be Happy

 

Regards,

Hoope

2013.. A Sad Year

Empty Chair

Yes, 2013 is finishing . It’s closing up with the biggest pain that it caused me. No words can describe my grieve. The only fact is that the year is over nevertheless the scar is never heal.

2013 started with the illness of the my dad, while March 12th he died. April , May , June , July … and I am still in grieve; am still in pain . I can’t forget it only made me more lonelier .  I remember him in my arms ; I remember closing his eyes like it was yesterday – so how can I forget !

I joined my work , everything was tense .. I had to keep to my fake smile . And started crying for no reason at night . I don’t know am I happy or upset. I don’t know how I feel any more towards many things around me. I even transferred from my area towards another departments … another busy department ! Why ? because I don’t want to have any free time to think .. thinking is so dangerous . Thoughts about life scares me , visions of dad haunts me. Everything is weird . Nothing is normal …

I lie by his grave praying for him . Dreaming about the short period that I was with him. Could it be worse?

And so fast years lapse… in a blink everything could end . Everything around you is prone to change ; to end . Nothing remains.

Consider loving the people around you more. Learn how to live simply . If you don’t like what you do , change it ? If you did a mistake , apologize ! If you love someone , say it ! Don’t leave anything for tomorrow … Because tomorrow never comes .

Hopes misguide us, it makes us think that we will live forever. Have a short term hope , and make your wishes true. Never let go what you love.

May the coming years bring something different . May your lives be always brighten with love and care of dear people. May 2014 be special for you all .

Regards,

Hoope

Nothing…

 

writing-a-book

 

When we lose something we can never replace. Sometime all that you wished for is to be happy . We live in trying to achieve that. Thinking that the world will help us conspire it; but unfortunately we forgot that it doesn’t really go the way we want. Beautiful ending and fairy tales is not in the real life because simply this is not a story. We love and we lose them , we try hard and we fail , we dream and it becomes nothing but  mere dream.

I remember ones being HOPE …but that Hope is no more alive because life have knocked her many times down. She used to get up always and fight again but when the last time life let her down , it took her very precious secret behind her Hope . It took her heart down ;  ever since Hope never came up again . She got nothing more… Nothing to dream for ; no one to love and no heart .

Have you ever felt that you are so useless in life … of no point and of no aim .  At some point in your way ; you would get such thoughts ? But when you do ; just never listen to them believe in you heart .

Nothing remains but ashes .

And so the story of my life ends here.

Always And Ever,

Hoope

Words For Dad

father_daughter_beach

He’s gone ; to start with whether it’s true or not. Whether I don’t want to believe it or not. He’s gone !! My Father died on 12th March 2013. He was bringing me security , hope and knowing that he is alive & breathing brought me pleasure even if I didn’t see him or even if we were distant apart. It was always like a dream to meet him and know him , hug him ; finally when I did that , finally when my dream came true he dies . He left me after knowing him for one year.

“Father , do hear me now ? Am here beside you and I will always be. “
This I told him as I was holding him . I stayed with him every second until he let my hand until tears came down my face. In a moment he just took a deep breath and all at once his eyes looked up , I wanted to feel his pulse . I was shivering putting my fingers on his neck to feel the carotid pulse but there was nothing, I pressed it hardly and yet there was nothing . I held daddy’s wrist to feel the pulse and there nothing too. I kept crying and starting doing CPR … I shouted for Ampu Bag to oxygenate him … everything went fast. They pulled me back and the doctor came and cleared him death. There were many people in the room . I couldn’t breathe . I ran irrationally outside to the garden …. I kept running , and running , running until I got so far and fell down crying . My big brother came later as everyone was searching for me . And I went back to dad room . I wiped my tears closed his eyes , starting praying for him and sat down lying on him . It was silent now everyone was out of the room ; it was only dad and me just as I always wanted to be him; just him and me !
I couldn’t just let him go ; Probably I wasn’t ready to accept it . Not even now when three weeks passed . As if he was yesterday here with me and now he’s not. I can’t imagine it . I can’t and I won’t !
A friend once told me that people don’t just leave us . They stay alive with us in our heart and in everything around us . He’s never gone ; he’s still here inside me.

Among all my sisters ; they use to say that I looked most like dad and I do . Whenever I look in the mirror I see him right there staring at me . And when every I smile ; he’s there in me .. and everything I do is just like him . The stubborn , hopeful , happy person. But I guess I can’t be happy as I was ; as he was ; not anymore.

Something inside me is gone; something is lost and you can’t replace that . No one can replace it . And the lonely I feel is nothing to describe in words.

When you are still stuck in that moment and you can’t wake up . It’s all over now. Because he’s gone . He took with him every beautiful thing in my life. He was the only dream that came true in my life.

I love you Dad, I will always do so…

Allah Yerhamek ya Abby !!

Hoope

How happy you are ?

It’s never easy to adjust with this fast pace of life. It’ s not easy to wake up and find yourself still where you were. It’s even harder when you don’t find anyone around. Whether all what’s happening around you is real or not ; we sometimes tend to believe it . And it affect us greatly .

How can everyone around you be just fake , cheaters and most of all they look for their own benefits . Sometimes this causes some frustrations . Imagine when you try to help everyone , when you try to smile and do you work in the best way ; just to make a difference , to be able to create what others didn’t .. However, it’s not that simple because always there are people put you down and take advantage of you. Maybe in such world being honest and humble is just not accepted.

Happiness is something we choose not which is forced on us, happiness is a state we live . And I believe everyone wants to be happy but just don’t know how ? The environment , the people , the work  and most of all YOU , are all variables that changes this state . There are times when we wake up , the sun is so bright with beautiful clouds decorating the blue sky , with songs of birds around ; such weather can cause happiness within us . So we start in a perfect morning ! We go out have the breakfast , go to work cheering ; even though if we get tensed by something at work , you should try to ignore it because you started your day in a happy way and nothing should disturb that state of inner peace you reached.

Who doesn’t want to be happy ?

Of course we all do , but we just gave the authority for the type of life to run us and in fact change us . That we forgot who we were . A life that only looks at how much you got and how much you are ready to pay. A life were people aren’t honest anymore , a life where a person says how are you just to get a favor done,  a life where no true friends around , a life where family can’t understand you feelings . A life where you find yourself alone regardless of the people who says they care.

We reached to a point where we don’t demand anything from anyone. We just want to be left alone with our sorrow , with our tears with our own selves .

After all this , do you still want to ask me , Am I Really Happy ?

I would say Yes ! I am .  But many would say this and shorten the dialogue with you , when they have a lot of burden to carry in their shoulders , just too heavy to speak them out . So it’s easier for anyone to say ; “ Oh Yea , am so happy  ! ”

Nevertheless , if you look at their eyes you will see how happy they are ?  or how miserable they might be !

Imagine life without worries , without stress , without work and without people who cause you pain .  I assume that such life don’t exist unless if we try to believe so . Unless if we keep a smile no matter what we face during our day , unless if we keep saying “ I am happy and nothing will change my mood”.

Think it and believe it and so you will be . And every time the sun sets  , dream again , be happy and start tomorrow  all over again in hope of changing the world .

Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don’t even remember leaving open.

Rose Lane

 

 Regards,

Hoope