Nothing…

 

writing-a-book

 

When we lose something we can never replace. Sometime all that you wished for is to be happy . We live in trying to achieve that. Thinking that the world will help us conspire it; but unfortunately we forgot that it doesn’t really go the way we want. Beautiful ending and fairy tales is not in the real life because simply this is not a story. We love and we lose them , we try hard and we fail , we dream and it becomes nothing but  mere dream.

I remember ones being HOPE …but that Hope is no more alive because life have knocked her many times down. She used to get up always and fight again but when the last time life let her down , it took her very precious secret behind her Hope . It took her heart down ;  ever since Hope never came up again . She got nothing more… Nothing to dream for ; no one to love and no heart .

Have you ever felt that you are so useless in life … of no point and of no aim .  At some point in your way ; you would get such thoughts ? But when you do ; just never listen to them believe in you heart .

Nothing remains but ashes .

And so the story of my life ends here.

Always And Ever,

Hoope

And So I had Cancer

 

I use to read in books that disease don’t differentiate between young or old; but now when I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 25 I believed that fact.

I am the only son for my parents and I am the big brother to one little sister. Since the age of 10 and I became orphan as my father died of the same disease. Now , I inherited it.  It’s not cancer that I fear but it’s how my family will be without me. Being the only one who takes care of my old mother and my little 12 years old sister. How would they live without me ?

I wonder why doctors say that early detection of cancer can help save life. When the truth is you don’t know you have cancer unless it’s metastasized to other organs. Which is what  happened to me?  As the symptoms didn’t show and I wasn’t diagnosed until too late to intervene.  The fact of cancer is that you don’t have time ; you don’t have time to decide nor to take a breath . In a moment you might be alive and tomorrow – no one knows .

People and family looks in a sympathetic way , while doctors want a fast reply about your decisions and your friends everyone gives an opinion or  not to go for surgery others say ” Yes do it ! “.   I got confused and to some point I didn’t what to do nor who to guide me . Whatever it was ; it has to be done fast.  Meanwhile ; the image of my father when he was suffering after the he undergone multiple surgeries was haunting me .

I use to hear nurses saying in empathy how unlucky I was ! Being a handsome young man and having cancer. Everything is destiny . Before we were born our lives were written, I am Muslim , and I believe in Allah and that He would guide me and be the most merciful .

So that day the doctor was waiting a reply from me whether I agreed for surgery or no. I made a prayer and then I agreed. Whatsoever the consequences could be !  And if either ways we are dying ; I want to die trying .

 

” There are always a wings of hope “

 

Some Statistics:

–          Around 12.7 million new cancer cases were diagnosed worldwide in 2008.

–          The most commonly diagnosed cancers worldwide are lung, breast and colorectal cancers. The most common causes of cancer death are lung, stomach and liver cancers

–          Approximately 70% of cancer deaths occur in low- and middle-income countries.

–          One in 4 deaths in the United States is due to cancer.

–          The rate of death in cancer has also been increased in 2010

 

Sources of the statistics :

http://info.cancerresearchuk.org/cancerstats/world/cancer-worldwide-the-global-picture

http://www.cancer.gov/newscenter/pressreleases/2012/ReportNationRelease2012

Sad Beyond The Smile

Yes,  Smile can hide all the sadness and tears but smile alone can’t overcome the pain and depression .

That’s a fact which can’t be denied , at times you wonder , “ Is it life that stands against me ? or it’s just me that can’t get up ! “

 

What the days takes from us ; is more than what we can afford . A wound that hardly healed leaves a scar that never goes . We all understand that some days in life couldn’t be the best but how come they turn to leave a painful memory .

You may tell others encouraging words as “ Hope , Try again ! , Never give up!  Love exists ! “ while as days overlaps and these words turn to be nonsense – it means nothing ! I could have been nothing but a mere desperate try to accept how miserable things could be . None of what we believe in could be true in this fake world ; ignorance , disrespect and selfishness where power rules in it !

No dreams will come true in such world and certainly no smile can shine !

Yea ! what life takes from us , is more than we can afford . What really goes around you remains an un solved  mystery !  But I will continue to smile no matter how hurt I could be .

Regards,

Hoope

Farewell

 

Farewell My Friend

It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care…
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul…
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that’s what I’ll like when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.


– Rabindranath Tagore

Lost Words

Dear ,

Dear everyone , everyone who reads this , everyone who passes by , everyone who has known me , or has been acquainted by. Everyone who hated me or wished me death . Everyone who never met me .

Everyone who loved me truly .

Just to everyone in this world , ” Am so hell sorry ! “

Living alone and dying alone , wondering how it ended up like this . I can’t but i wish ….. It wasn’t suppose to happen . It shouldn’t …. But it all went away.

It all started years back when i couldn’t let go – It exploded

Maybe I was suppose to bear more

Maybe I was suppose to hang on more

Maybe I was wrong

Maybe it wasn’t over as I thought

Maybe I was to die then

 

Somehow , the movie ended and I became the black sheep . Am confused and I don’t know how to fix anything .

I wish I ………….

But there’s no use for I lost everything . I always knew that I was in some way weird and cursed .

Nothing was right , Nothing was ever right .

Who am I ? or what’s wrong ?

I need another story .

With love ,

Hoope

Something Is Missing

The feelings of emptiness . The feeling of something that’s wrong. When you look around and find everything is in it’s place and that everyone is carrying on their daily routine . Nevertheless, there is something wrong. All at once at that particular moment you feel that you got a big slap at your face. You know that there is something missing from your life , that you’re wasting your time when you have to do something else or be somewhere else.

Why there are always borders that stops us  from flying from going away? Why  things just can’t be spontaneous? Why can’t we stop dreaming and start acting ?

 

Regards,

Hoope

Just some thoughts

 

Today , and as i was sitting alone looking through the window.. I cried , yes I cried. I felt so lonely and scared of everything. People that are near and very far at the same time. I hide my tears , I hide my fears and so alone here on my own . And nothing else matters because I wished if things were different though it not and it won’t. For no one understands and no ever cared.

Regards,

Hoope