Someone died …

Someone died the other day at work…. She was wonderful patient , a wonderful old lady, that was so polite and so strong and with such an inspiring faith. She had diabetes, Congestive heart disease, hypertension , kidney failure on dialysis and she was 75 yrs old. She was so tired and so sick but whenever you see her she kept smiling and everyday she lives as if she is gonna live forever. She lived with her heart and kept moving with her soul .

 

She was admitted as she started having severe Ischemic leg disease.. where both legs might be amputated, she went to different hospitals and they all had one opinion which is- there is no hope of surgery so let her live the rest of her life peacefully, there was no need to shorthen it … her heart can’t stand the anesthesia . But unfortunately somehow , and i don’t know from where , but she heard of a smart doctor ( as she described him ) in our hospital , a vascular surgeon who can do a bypass surgery and save her legs. He explained to them nicely about all the procedure and how he is going to do it. He looked so bright to them and he had all the facilities and assured them. The only problem is that he is one of the doctors whose patients end up dead after surgery. How ! no one knows he’s just not lucky and he’s known for the high number of  failed surgeries he has done. And the relative never knew this fact.  And I am not allowed to tell this to a patient , nor am not allowed to tell this about a colleague. I might be sued and lose my job.  But i told her daughters indirectly and so is another doctor ; she just never got it.

And he did the surgery , she went to the ICU but she woke up  .. and after one day he told them that he will do another surgery to fix it . But she never woke up after that.

I understand that in my job i would see many people going out of it … but what kills me is that , i take part of the responsibility in her death. It kills to be in a world where you can’t say the truth , where you kill people instead of saving them. I feel so guilty and what hurts the most is that i couldn’t do anything . Maybe her time came to leave this world; but maybe i could have made her go smiling instead of going through all that in such age.

I just wonder what would have been if that surgery wasn’t done . She came walking and now she’s gone. Rest in peace !

Never Gone

Today i remembered the quote of Jack Lemmon when he said , ” Death ends a life, not a relationship. ”

It’s the second anniversary of my friend’s mother death. And it’s so strange how life passed by very fast… those two years passed and she was not around. This only proves one thing; that days run faster than we do and before  we even look around we find someone dear gone ; and while having our dinner we might not know that this could be our last. Death takes away the most important people in your life. The sound of her words , her laughter , her warmth and the song she sang and her smile  … I know that life is never going to be the same without her around.

Many people may go during our life; we may lose family, friends and colleagues . We may lose children …. But that’s the most important time that we need to hang on and stay strong. Because our loved ones would never like us to be sad. Would want us to go on in our lives and work. Would want us to smile but never forget them .

You lost your mother, I lost a father , he lost a brother , she lost a son – and yet we lived and yet we are living  , and we did the best that we could  .In a moment you may think that this could be the worst thing that may happen to you . But they live inside our hearts. A Life is taken away but another is granted within us. They go away but they breathe in us. It’s always fine to cry and feel sad but not for long;  for you have more days to live , more days to live happily than to cry.

They remain in us living and they are always part of us. Never gone but alive .

May their souls rest in Peace … and May they find Happiness where they lie.

Those we love don’t go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
– Anonymous

Regards,

Hoope

The choice of choosing !

I have recieved an sms on my cellphone saying these following words , ” Life is between B and D – that is between birth and death …but in between comes C- which stands for the Choice. “

So everything in out life is about the choices we make . The choices we make will only define the type of person we are. And just as the philosophers explain it  as a personal development sense , we choose from many alternatives infront of us whether beliefs , lifestyle , behaviours and even the type of people we want to be with.

For example we have the right to choose either we want to ride the bus or walk . We choose either we wanna cook today or order.. we choose either we wanna be a dentist or an engineer. It’s who we are- we are making at the end.

Though we are enjoying to make our own choices and the fact that we  sometimes regret making them . The fact we feel guilty most of the time. It’s really hard to have the choice of everything in your life. Yes! we make it .. and Yes! we live it . But when it comes to making a serious decisions in your life such as ending a relationship or starting a relations ; it really takes a courage to do so.

There was a time that i felt sorry for taking a decision . I made my choice an di know i did.. and i know i can’t take it back. But It was the best to be done.. and it was the worst at the same time. However, I think it was a wise thing to do. You will always be in my heart and am sorry if i caused you any harm .

So whatever  choice you have to make . You better be clear about it and be sure of what you want to do , but most of all make sure you don’t hurt anyone .

Regards,

Hoope

Farewell

 

Farewell My Friend

It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care…
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul…
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that’s what I’ll like when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.

– Rabindranath Tagore

Lost Words

Dear ,

Dear everyone , everyone who reads this , everyone who passes by , everyone who has known me , or has been acquainted by. Everyone who hated me or wished me death . Everyone who never met me .

Everyone who loved me truly .

Just to everyone in this world , ” Am so hell sorry ! “

Living alone and dying alone , wondering how it ended up like this . I can’t but i wish ….. It wasn’t suppose to happen . It shouldn’t …. But it all went away.

It all started years back when i couldn’t let go – It exploded

Maybe I was suppose to bear more

Maybe I was suppose to hang on more

Maybe I was wrong

Maybe it wasn’t over as I thought

Maybe I was to die then

 

Somehow , the movie ended and I became the black sheep . Am confused and I don’t know how to fix anything .

I wish I ………….

But there’s no use for I lost everything . I always knew that I was in some way weird and cursed .

Nothing was right , Nothing was ever right .

Who am I ? or what’s wrong ?

I need another story .

With love ,

Hoope

Can’t let go …

Have you ever wondered of those moments that you want to get back ? Just to do the right thing.. or to live it again. Have you found it hard to let go what happened in the past ?  Have you sat in the present with tears filling your eyes of  how did you let that go ? Have you seen things that reminded you of how weak you were ?

Moment like this we get acquainted to , and it’s really hard when you think that you have learnt how to let go and that you’re happy moving on; but suddenly you found out that you were wrong and you didn’t really move on – instead you kept in your heart silently and you never truly let go .

It’s kills you from inside … Yet We can’t stop the feeling and we can’t also move on . So whats the solution ! I myself don’t know and i thought that i could fine answers from others with experience  .

Past is to forget and future is to go ahead .. while the present is the connection that we live . But why is things going upside down. Past is going over and over again , future is not coming anymore and present brings only more tear .

We try to believe  in  driving forward and having goals.. but everything collapses  and you can’t make it . You look too small and you give up and you can’t move on anymore.

We lose our spirit of living , our soul of hope and our dreams of tomorrow . We feel so tired and so sick that we can’t get up on our feet anymore. We literally give up .. Because we lost everything and we didn’t fight much for it.We lost our dreams and what kept us going was gone now .  

 

Hoope