Happy Birthday Me !

After 24 yrs , now I celebrate my birthday and i don’t really feel that it means alot. I didn’t even know how many years i turned today ( i had to calculate it ), seriously i thought i was older!  You may consider it rediculous or even that am joking ; but you know it’s true when another year goes by and you sit so lonely looking up at the sun as it sets ; as it takes a day from your life and you’re like ” What the hell changed !”

Yea, It doesn’t matter! What does it even means to have a happy Birthday! What does difference it makes!  … When dear people are far away. And even the dreams i wished didn’t come true .  Waking up and hoping to see your father after 19 years; didn’t even happen ! And the feeling of being wierd among those who are around.  And waking up knowing that many people in your land are dying . Waking and knowing that everything around is falling apart! Waking up and knowing that no one and nothing in life is worth living for ! Waking up and knowing that hatred is stronger than love , that wars are more than Peace and that Freedom cost more than people earns.

A very Happy Birthday Me  when each year i lose more ; when my hope began to fade each and every month. When my smiles despairs everytime.  And when the leaves  eventually fall. Maybe i go to work everday , maybe i go shopping with my sisters, go to movies with my friends ; maybe it seems i am happy with my fake smile. Maybe my illness is taking all of me ….But deep inside I never sleep , and i never smile like i really mean it . The truth is that maybe i am just pretending to live and i never wanna really live !

I use to love it when we use to celebrate my birthday with my friends , and eat my brithday cake .. my friends around , the gifts and ballons ; but most of all the sweet wishes . I was a kid then … and i just wish if i can live that again.  Happy Birthday Me for I found myself once again waiting for the sun to set and for for stars to shine and for a new bright day to come – if it ever existed!  

However, and because it just became a habbit to wish others a Happy Birthday without really meaning it … I would just say ” Happy Birthday Hoope and Hope this year is different than the last.  “

 Always

Hoope

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One thought on “Happy Birthday Me !

  1. Nice article, thank you. I really like it!

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