A Birthday Wish

 

A year passed today .. and another one is ahead. 

There I went to the only place where I run to when i want to beon my own; the sea . I sat at teh beach facing the darkness of the night  while the moon lighting the world around me. There was no one but me . I wanted to be myself for a minute . I wanted to recall things and think about the next step in my life. The last year wasn’t that big and every incident that I have lived went right infront of me .. When that flash back started, i could see nothing but that pain .. and those people that i lost- or in proper term – they lost me .

Yea ! It’s my birthday today and i almost forgot that i don’t have to cry ; but that was involuntary. When you loook at the world and how it drags us .You would understad what i mean .Since the day i was six and i knew that there was something wrong . I never felt that i belonged in here nor anywhere. As if i was in a story and am the hero ; who will die at the end . Or a movie that has no end .

Nothing seems to be real . And what hurts the most is that you are living it alone. A family that aren’t yours and a friends that don’t exist , a whole life that is not there. Parents that have abandoned you way before you come to life.And loved ones that may enter your life , but they can’t because they fear it . A fear of being lost like i am .

Life , life , life . I keep saying nothign is worth it .And that tomorrow is a better day but tomorrow comes and nothign changes.

I know i am dreaming but why i can’t wake up . Nothing makes any sense. I close my eyes so hard in hope to wake up when i open them, but am still here and it’s still here. Am i even alive , maybe am dead .

I just wanted to know who i am ? I just want to be found .

Yea!   It’s my birthday and i have to make a wish .

I wish i never was there . I wish i don’t exit . I just don’t want to live anymore in pain .  I want to wake up co’z i really fear to face the future.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “A Birthday Wish

  1. Yousif says:

    Happy Birthday

    I can’t claim to know what you are going through, nor I can say everything is going to be alright, because I don’t know!

    I just want to quote you:
    “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams ”

    Cheer up young lady. And please make a new wish, will you?

    Best wishes
    Yousif

    P.S You must have graduated by now, haven’t you? Congrats 🙂 What’s next?

    • hoope says:

      Thanks alot for your comment..
      And Yes ! i graduated and hopefully in a month i will finish my hiring papers.. !

      Change my wish .. aaaa i really can’t guarantee you in that.. coz that was it ever since i knew myself..
      But i can add to it ..
      I wish thing goes well with you and i hope you come back safely home 😀
      ( A BIRTHDAY WISH USUALLY COMES TRUE , SO HOPE THINGS GO GREAT WITH YOU )
      Good luck !

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