A year passed today .. and another one is ahead.
There I went to the only place where I run to when i want to beon my own; the sea . I sat at teh beach facing the darkness of the night while the moon lighting the world around me. There was no one but me . I wanted to be myself for a minute . I wanted to recall things and think about the next step in my life. The last year wasn’t that big and every incident that I have lived went right infront of me .. When that flash back started, i could see nothing but that pain .. and those people that i lost- or in proper term – they lost me .
Yea ! It’s my birthday today and i almost forgot that i don’t have to cry ; but that was involuntary. When you loook at the world and how it drags us .You would understad what i mean .Since the day i was six and i knew that there was something wrong . I never felt that i belonged in here nor anywhere. As if i was in a story and am the hero ; who will die at the end . Or a movie that has no end .
Nothing seems to be real . And what hurts the most is that you are living it alone. A family that aren’t yours and a friends that don’t exist , a whole life that is not there. Parents that have abandoned you way before you come to life.And loved ones that may enter your life , but they can’t because they fear it . A fear of being lost like i am .
Life , life , life . I keep saying nothign is worth it .And that tomorrow is a better day but tomorrow comes and nothign changes.
I know i am dreaming but why i can’t wake up . Nothing makes any sense. I close my eyes so hard in hope to wake up when i open them, but am still here and it’s still here. Am i even alive , maybe am dead .
I just wanted to know who i am ? I just want to be found .
Yea! It’s my birthday and i have to make a wish .
I wish i never was there . I wish i don’t exit . I just don’t want to live anymore in pain . I want to wake up co’z i really fear to face the future.