Posted by: hoope | December 31, 2011

Goodbye 2011

 

Yesterday it was raining . Today it’s sunny. Yesterday was hard time , today it ends. Yesterday they were with us …today they are gone. Yesterday we use to cry and today it’s over. Yesterday was disappointments ; today is another chances. Yesterday was despair;  today is hope. Yesterday was a defeat while today is the overcomes.

What happened this year is somehow is different and special ; it could even be painful to some of us . But most of all is that it’s over and went . Whatever happened will never happen again & whatever we lived we’re not going to live again. But nevertheless, it left inside us something ; whatsoever it is . It left us something unique . An experience , an emotions or even a lesson .

Two Thousand Eleven – is now only a past . What’s ahead is a mysterious could be scary could be good but either ways we have to live it . Two Thousand Twelve – 2012 a year to come . A year to live . A new hope , a new dream , a new wish and a new start. To keep aside whatever caused harm and make a new beginning in a brand new year.

Let’s try to not make it just an add to your age but a life to live . Let’s try to share the happiness and create a smile in the face of those who really matters. Guess what ! since you made it this year;  you’ve got the opportunity to correct things and plant a new tree.

Goodbye 2011 … and thanks for that you gave me. For the pain & suffering that made me stronger, for the laugh and smile that me stand again . For the disappointments that brought overcomes . For the tears that took a lot of me . Thanks for everything  and as every year and no matter how bad things goes; I will keep wishing for a Happy New Year to come. And I will always be waiting for that .

 

Regards,

Hoope

Posted by: hoope | December 22, 2011

Living With Migraine

 

Many people think that migraine is just a headache … like everyone’s normal headache. But it’s not true. Because migraine tends to affect your life and ruin your plans for a day or two; sometimes more. Your personality changes, that smiling happy person changes once your attack starts! They are a type of a unilateral headache that is associated with vomiting and nausea you would fear both the lights and sounds. You would prefer to stay in quiet dark room for hours and hours. You would lose your appetite and most of all become so depressed and sad. The hopelessness that captures you and makes you feel that you can’t do anything to change it. No matter how you try to stop the feeling, you can’t it.

I am not going to talk about the medical aspect of migraine because anyone can google that. But I would like to share with you how is the day like living with migraine from a migraineurs point of view.

When you wake up with such an enthusiasm and energy, willing to start this weekend with so many activities. Hanging out with your friends, going to cinema – barbeque with the family; Oh! When it all seems to be a busy weekend … it never ends that way. All at once, you get that migraine attack; everything changes. If you were out with your friends, then the worst that happens is; your mood will change, you will be frown… and you might order anything – nauseated and you feel like you want to just go home and sometimes you have to care for your friends feelings and you might go on with them but you still feel so upset. Headache that eats up your brain… throbbing sound at you left side and around the eye. But if it starts before going out; lucky then you will save your friends these entire disturbance because simply you know you will choose to stay home. And you mind won’t stop from thinking of what caused it!  You’ll keep saying “I was so careful, I stayed away from all the triggers, was it a perfume? Did I have cheese or something from its derivates? Did I oversleep?  What went wrong?  “  

Sometimes nothing went wrong but yet it happens! You will find yourself at many times home- stuck in your dark little room while everyone is out. You will be seen sometimes running for and to the bathroom where you keep vomiting. You skip work and school, friends and family! Just because the attack started. Your whole body becomes so tired and the depression that occupies you; just kills. When you see everyone else is eating those delicious looking chocolates but you can’t ! Because you will end up lying on the bed for coming three days .

What kills the most is when your family and friends don’t understand it! What hurts the most when they say “It’s just a headache, take to tablets of Adol and you will relieve it “Like I never tried it? Or when they put strong perfumes right when you’re standing beside them and no one cares.

Speaking about the treatment! Panadol never works out. Yea! Let me try to remember what all the things I tired are. Ergotamine was the first things prescribed for me – it’s fine but only should be taken before the attacks starts; aura time. Now if you miss it then… it’s useless! Other than its side effects that I hated most; gastrointestinal disturbance & dizziness! I quit it and I didn’t take it for long. Until a doctor told me to try Cafergot which is a combination between Caffeine and Ergotamine . I didn’t take that either for a long time it was only a period of couple months. But what I did take a for a year and was in fact good INDERAL – a medication for heart disease people but it acts as a preventive for migraine and you have to take it on daily bases. It helped a lot and it reduced somehow the attacks but; and there is always a but I couldn’t stand the side effect. Your heartbeats changing most of the time becomes faster and you breaths become uneven. But all that aside… reading the information that’s in the paper of the medicine itself; makes you so scared to take it! So I eventually stopped it. Am not good at taking pills, I just fear them. There is a doctor once said “All medicine are potential of poison “, I am one of the big supporters for that words.

Yea people who has migraine will tend to try many things and as possible to find the cure which don’t exist or at least something to control it. Something to give us a day free from migraine.

And like all migraneurs I have tried none pharmacological ways. A friend once told me try the Flax seeds with yogurts once daily, I did that and it was not bad at all… I mean besides avoiding the triggers. I don’t if it really worked or it was psychological effect only. Let me remember what else I tried! Yea… the Chamomile tea- well they said it helps but at the same time I think it’s healthy to drink it.

Thus, I tried a lot of ways    and ending up currently with no medications and no chamomile or whatever herbs could be! There will times that I will get three attacks in a week and there will a month that I will be migraine free. It’s just how lucky you get to be and how good you are at a voiding that long list of food and things that you don’t have to do, exercising and relaxing plays a role.

I would conclude that no matter how much you read in the diaries of a migraineur you will never be able to feel it and I don’t wish anyone to go through the same thing. But it’s only us migraineurs that understand each other. At times you will feel so lonely that no one undertands and no one feels .

 

Regards,

Hoope

Posted by: hoope | December 4, 2011

Image Quote of the Week

Let the picture speak for itself …

Posted by: hoope | December 4, 2011

Giving It All Away

Have you ever seen a smile of a poor when you give him a meal …. or the innocence of an orphan girl while you play with her… thankful eyes of a sick when you help him become better. They are only some small views of what you are capable of doing to change the life of people  or even bring  them the hope – that there is still something beautiful in the soul of the people. That beyond all these wars, conflicts , poverty , hatred , economic depression, diseases … among all that which is present on earth ; I still believe that a touch of kindness  can heal … and a soft word can do miracles.

People might have forgotten the poem that illustrates this image that I am talking about :

” Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land.”

 

I think that life is all about how much we give not receive ..

How much we share ? and How much we care ?  Then only means a lot .  Then only we can see how happiness feels like .

We have to give it all away and then it will come back to us when we don’t expect it .

 

 

Regards,

Hoope

Posted by: hoope | November 24, 2011

What Nursing Gave Us ?

A year passed just very fast. I didn’t notice that i was a nurse all that period. Maybe i wasn’t planning to stay as one for a long time – nor i was expecting to survive this period ; but I did !  I have seen alot , and  I have met many people . I can even remember each and every patient i had … some left me a wound that never heals and others left me an ever lasting smile .

When life takes away the most dear thing to your heart… make sure that it’s preparing you a lovely surprise. 

Nursing is the power to heal , the power to create whats lost within those patients , and the power to make them die peacefully . It’s never eacy to go through such emotions in a time – what if you go to work everyday and seeing this !  It could really be devastating…. but after all that’s what we do . And day by day we learn how to cope with it. Until one day it becomes a routine ; your patient might be dying and when your shift finishes , there might be your son’s birthday party waiting . We try to hold our tears , to control our emotions, and to put ur work aside and our life aside. Thus , life goes on .

We read through their eyes, we understand there pain but we can never feel their pain . We show empathy but never the sympathy . We hold their hand and rub their tears … we sing for them and so keep their strength . We give them what they might have lost until they recover and leave us smiling .

Regards,

Hoope

Posted by: hoope | September 23, 2011

Happy Birthday Me !

After 24 yrs , now I celebrate my birthday and i don’t really feel that it means alot. I didn’t even know how many years i turned today ( i had to calculate it ), seriously i thought i was older!  You may consider it rediculous or even that am joking ; but you know it’s true when another year goes by and you sit so lonely looking up at the sun as it sets ; as it takes a day from your life and you’re like ” What the hell changed !”

Yea, It doesn’t matter! What does it even means to have a happy Birthday! What does difference it makes!  … When dear people are far away. And even the dreams i wished didn’t come true .  Waking up and hoping to see your father after 19 years; didn’t even happen ! And the feeling of being wierd among those who are around.  And waking up knowing that many people in your land are dying . Waking and knowing that everything around is falling apart! Waking up and knowing that no one and nothing in life is worth living for ! Waking up and knowing that hatred is stronger than love , that wars are more than Peace and that Freedom cost more than people earns.

A very Happy Birthday Me  when each year i lose more ; when my hope began to fade each and every month. When my smiles despairs everytime.  And when the leaves  eventually fall. Maybe i go to work everday , maybe i go shopping with my sisters, go to movies with my friends ; maybe it seems i am happy with my fake smile. Maybe my illness is taking all of me ….But deep inside I never sleep , and i never smile like i really mean it . The truth is that maybe i am just pretending to live and i never wanna really live !

I use to love it when we use to celebrate my birthday with my friends , and eat my brithday cake .. my friends around , the gifts and ballons ; but most of all the sweet wishes . I was a kid then … and i just wish if i can live that again.  Happy Birthday Me for I found myself once again waiting for the sun to set and for for stars to shine and for a new bright day to come – if it ever existed!  

However, and because it just became a habbit to wish others a Happy Birthday without really meaning it … I would just say ” Happy Birthday Hoope and Hope this year is different than the last.  ”

 Always

Hoope

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