Notes From Illusions – Part II

 

 

It’s an endless darkness . Sunk in melancholy nothing but pain within a grief .

How can days be so strange ? how can I be so desperate ? I thought I was hope , I thought was strong , but it’s really too hard to be strong .

Every where I turn to there’s only more troubles and disappointments .

Tomorrow never comes and no matter how we wait for it ; today is today and tomorrow is nothing but tomorrow . I thought I was a step away from it . It turned out to be illusions .  Created by my own inner brain .

It reached to a moment that I believed and lived all this illusions .

How could I be so silly ? how could I let life drag me ? Instead of I running my life ; I let life run me !!!

Weakness I feel all over my body , I can’t handle anything .

What about the sunrise ? the blue skies  . What makes me cry when I see that all ? I just can’t smile . Maybe coz deep inside I know that I can’t enjoy them . I can’t enjoy the beauty of life. Instead I see them all dark . My tears are of blood . My hope is in vain . I lived it all – I lived by myself.

Life stabbed me in my back . And I have no intention to be stabbed again . So I decided not to live , not to live again . And not hope

Infinite

 

What would anyone want ?

What makes us wake up everyday ?

What for ; we go on ?

 

Could it be illusions , dreams or hopes ?

Or Could it be just nothing ?

 

I dreamed a dream

And dreams are infinite

Infinite are unreachable

 

Sometimes it just doesn’t rain

Sometimes the days don’t go around

And sometimes all this is not true

 

I’ll close my eyes

And think in deep

But as I open

I wanna wake up

I want all this to be over

And to start all over again

 

A dream to live

Notes From Illusions

   Part I  

For the past 20 years I kept asking myself this questions :

Where am I ? and who are they ?

And I came up with nothing !!!! I believe I was suppose to do it in this way…..

 WHO AM I ? AND WHAT I WANT ?

 I thought I was different in sort of , but being different doesn’t mean you’re special because I am not . I am weird and a freak in some way .

Nothing seems as it is. And knowing the truth is much better at least you can now expect the worst to come.

Life is not about finding happiness nor love nor family not even in the people around you. All that turn to be fake !!!!

What do we live for ? I sometimes wonder .

Days were passing , life was moving but nothing changes and I still didn’t know where am I ? I got sick of all this … can a human be like this !

What do I see is it true ? where am I ?

There are many unfinished things in my life that need to be settled . I have unfinished poems , a novel that I left unread, a song that I didn’t complete and a dream that was waiting to be accomplished but I guess that is too much to do . I started working on them but never really completed them . Maybe it’s time to take a deep breath.

Death  is near , I feel it conquering me  and not gonna be here any more ; maybe that is what it’s all about !

Something’s Gone

To start with , something beautiful died in me . Something’s gone and I don’t know if it will come back .

 

My life is going so random and everything is so jumped up side down. . My vision is a blurred one though it was clear. My will or other’s will; my dream or other’s dream ; my pain or other’s dream. Then the only answer to the was ; Is it my life or theirs ?

But the problem is that I didn’t even know any answer for that as well .

I only hid myself under the bed and kept crying ; thinking and thinking ; and kept crying and yet nothing changes.

It’s said that the one who don’t find love at home, he’ll never find it else where. And that which is not loved by his own family no one else will.

Life is all about experience about what to do and what to not ! About who to love and who to not !

Sometimes it just don’t snow and the dreams are far away. Sometimes my life aren’t that cool. What if we had the choice of everything in our life ? Maybe then things could have been easier.

I don’t know why am even living . I try to forget but I can’t and I try to forgive but its not enough. I try to hold on but it hurts a lot .

A Friend We All Need …

 

We all need someone , someone to hear us , someone to talk to , someone to cry with us . There’s gotta be always someone .

There are times when we wish to have no one around . When we are so upset that we can’t even let a friend share . But have you ever wondered how selfish and mean you are by this act. Because you simply should know that this is not your problem alone ; that this not your own sorrow but your friend’s as well. While you try to keep your friend away , you don’t notice that your hurting them . They are going through the same pain . True friends won’t leave you and will keep knocking your door no matter how your shut it & say ” Go Away ! I don’t want to talk to anyone “ They stay and stay and wait until you calm down and start talking .

Maybe they can’t really change it or help out. But the fact that you shared with them will mean a lot to your friendship and maybe both of you can do find a way out. It’s all  about the values it carries.

” It is the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. “~Marlene Dietrich

I was alone , I found books & papers my best friend. I kept distance from my friends . Until I realized that I really needed someone to hug me & talk to. As much as I got used to loneliness as much I can understand how dark it is to be alone. Walking in the darkness with a friend holding your hand is much better than walking in the light alone.

For all those who are alone ; there will come a time that you will badly wish to have a friend you can  trust with your life. But before finding a friend – try to be one .

Let those who are around you realize it and share your life . Let them share your happiness , your sadness , your problems , your tears……… let them share your dreams ad hopes too. Because life will be sweeter then. At least at that time you will know that there is someone out there worried about you and cares a lot.

Hard times proves who sticks around and so are friends if they don’t’ show up when you need then why say ” A friend in need is a friend indeed “.

Friendship is a complicated relationship  , it goes through a lot of hardships , changes and troubles . True friends manage to go through all that and yet they love each other and stay together. That’s what friendship is all about after all  ” To Stay Together Forever “

 

Dedicated to a dear friend of mine .

Hoope

A Psalm Of Life

A Psalm O f Life   by  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,–act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;–

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Trust In God

Sometimes we may want something badly , we might be convinced that this thing is right for us but it might not be so.

It could be something you want to buy. It could  be a person you loved. It could be a travel you wanted to go . But the destiny was there to stop it all and it didn’t happened as you wanted.

Don’t be sad for what has gone.. Co’z God knows what’s best for us and therefore best plans are awaiting you . Do trust Him .

With warm wishes ,

Hoope

Doubts

We doubt even ourselves in some times.

The challenges of life  ; the hardships of life ; the sorrow of life makes us not sure of what to do ? when to do ? and even how to do it ? How to live the days of  our life more peacefully and more happily . We have learnt alot in schools and yet we doubt how to handle things . Are we capable of doing it ???

There were times that i didn’t know who i am nor who i want to be . Other times i didn’t find myself.

Can life be more simple ? Can we be more clear about what we want ?

In this post i can’t be more optimistic as i always try to be …. beacuse i even began to doubt if i am an optimistic person.

When we, humans began to doubt things around us -we are beginning to lose them . Just like how Benjamin Franklin said ” When in doubt , don’t”

And when we doubt our abilities we give the doubt the strenght to get into everything.

We doubt our actions, we doubts our friends, we doubts our family , we doubt the ability of love and then we end up doubting ourselves.

So don’t let that happen to you . And when you doubt just don’t .

Emily Dickinson’s Poetry

This Is A Word

There is a word
Which bears a sword
can pierce an armed man.

It hurls its barbed syllables, –
At once is mute again.
But where it fell
The saved will tell
On patriotic day,
Some epauletted brother
Gave his breath away.

Wherever runs the breathless sun,
Wherever roams the day,
There is its victory!
Behold the keenest marksman!
Time’s sublimest target
Is a soul “forgot”!

My Life Closed Twice Before

My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,

So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

Heart , We Will forget Him!

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you’re lagging.
I may remember him!

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me